When I was in my twenties, I was in a relationship with someone for eleven years and for the majority of it, I had no idea how toxic it was. Neither did he.

I started to figure things out when I realized that I was constantly daydreaming about leaving him. I fantasized about packing my bags and jumping on a bus and moving home. I daydreamed about what I would do if he suddenly had to leave the country for some unknown reason. I envisioned what I would do if I got the job of my dreams in another city.

But I didn’t realize I was daydreaming about these things because our relationship was so unhealthy.

From that relationship and from others I’ve been in, I’ve learned how to tell the signs of an unhealthy relationship. Not all of them have to be relevant for a relationship to be bad for you!

1) You’re afraid of your partner

Fear is an important sign that you may be in an unhealthy relationship. If you’re constantly worried about your partner’s reactions or responses to certain topics or activities, it can be a sign that your relationship is on rocky ground.

Do you find yourself avoiding certain conversations or activities because you don’t want to upset your partner? Are you constantly questioning what your partner might think or how they might react to something? If so, then this could be a sign that you’re in an unhealthy relationship and you should take the necessary steps to improve the situation or get out of it altogether.

In one relationship I was in, I was dating someone at work. When I noticed that I was minimizing my conversations with other male staff members because my boyfriend was prone to jealousy, I knew there was a problem. But we worked together! Luckily for me, he quit for another job and that made it a lot easier to break up with him.

2) You’re always walking on eggshells

Being in a relationship should make you feel safe and secure, not like you’re constantly walking on eggshells. If you find yourself constantly worrying about making a wrong move or saying the wrong thing, it could be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Your partner may use intimidation tactics to control your behavior and keep you in line. They may make subtle comments that make you think twice before doing or saying something they don’t agree with. You might find yourself changing the way you act in order to avoid upsetting your partner.

This type of behavior is dangerous, as it can lead to a cycle of emotional abuse. If your partner is constantly trying to control your behavior, it’s time to speak up and set some boundaries.

3) Your partner is possessive or jealous

Possessiveness and jealousy in a relationship can be difficult to recognize, because your partner might act like it is protective behavior. While some level of protectiveness can be healthy in relationships, it is a problem when it gets out of control.

Possessive and jealous behaviors include: questioning your whereabouts, trying to limit who you interact with, making accusations of cheating or flirting, monitoring your social media activity, and keeping you from doing activities that don’t involve them. These behaviors can create a feeling of insecurity in the relationship and make you feel like you can never do anything right.

If you feel like you can’t be yourself or express your individuality in a relationship, it is a sign that it might be unhealthy.

In one long-term relationship, I became someone I didn’t recognize. And it’s so hard to come back from that!

4) Your partner puts you down

One of the most common warning signs of an unhealthy relationship is when your partner puts you down. This can be in the form of insults, criticism, name-calling, and other verbal abuse. Even if your partner isn’t actively trying to hurt you, they may still make you feel like you’re not good enough.

Your partner may try to convince you that their criticism is warranted or necessary. They may also try to minimize their behavior by saying things like “I was just joking” or “you’re too sensitive.” My ex used to tell me, “You’re thinking about it, too much,” or “Do you have to over-analyze everything?”

It’s important to remember that you deserve respect. Be honest with your partner about how their words make you feel and let them know that this kind of behavior is not okay. If they keep making excuses or trying to make you feel like it is your fault, it may be time to end the relationship because you have every right to feel the way you feel!

5) You’re always apologizing

Apologizing can be a sign of respect and humility. However, if you’re constantly apologizing for your partner’s behavior, it could be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. In an unhealthy relationship, you might feel the need to apologize for things that aren’t your fault or take responsibility for issues that you didn’t cause.

For example, if your partner is constantly getting angry at you or blaming you for something, you might find yourself saying sorry even when you know it isn’t your fault. This can lead to feelings of guilt and low self-esteem and can be an indication of an unhealthy relationship dynamic.

6) You’ve stopped seeing your friends

One of the clearest signs of an unhealthy relationship is when you stop seeing your friends and other people who are important to you.

If your partner is constantly keeping you away from your friends or family, it’s a huge red flag that something isn’t right. This could be because your partner doesn’t want anyone else to know about the problems in your relationship, or because they don’t want you to be influenced by anyone other than them.

It’s important to remember that you should never feel pressured to cut off your relationships with those who care about you. You should always make time for the people who mean the most to you, and if your partner isn’t okay with that, it might be time to consider ending the relationship.

7) You’ve stopped doing things you love

One of the most common signs of an unhealthy relationship is when you start giving up on the things that you love doing. It may be small things like playing video games or going out with friends, or it may be more meaningful activities such as going to the gym, attending classes, or pursuing hobbies.

When you’re in an unhealthy relationship, your partner might make it difficult for you to do these things by making excuses or refusing to give you time away from them. This can lead to a feeling of guilt and emptiness. You may also start to feel like your interests are not valid or important, and your partner’s interests become more important than yours.

It’s important to remember that your interests and hobbies are just as important as your partner’s. You should never have to give up something that brings you joy just to please your partner. If your partner is not supportive of you spending time on yourself, this is a clear sign that your relationship may be unhealthy.

8) You’re always making excuses for your partner’s behavior

When someone is in an unhealthy relationship, they often find themselves making excuses for their partner’s behavior. This can range from making excuses for why their partner is angry or distant, to rationalizing away hurtful words or actions. While it’s important to make allowances for someone’s mistakes and to have patience, if you’re constantly having to make excuses for them, it may be a sign that your relationship is unhealthy.

It’s easy to start making excuses for your partner’s behavior out of love or fear. You might be afraid of what might happen if you confront them, or you could be trying to keep the peace by downplaying the seriousness of the situation. However, if you feel like you’re constantly having to justify your partner’s actions, it could be a sign that there’s a bigger problem at hand.

Making excuses can also be a way of avoiding the fact that something is wrong. In an unhealthy relationship, you may find yourself repeatedly making excuses for your partner even when things are obviously wrong. While it’s understandable to want to make allowances for your partner, it’s important to remember that it’s never okay to stay in an unhealthy situation.

If you feel like you’re constantly making excuses for your partner’s behavior, it may be time to take a step back and reevaluate your relationship. It may be hard to do, but it’s important to acknowledge when something isn’t working and take action to make it better.

9) You feel like you’re not yourself anymore

When you’re in an unhealthy relationship, it can feel like the person you once were has been taken away from you. It can be hard to recognize that you’ve lost yourself in the process of being with your partner.

You might find yourself making choices you never would have made before, speaking differently, or behaving in ways that don’t reflect your true self. If you find yourself feeling disconnected from who you used to be, it may be a sign that your relationship is unhealthy.

It can be difficult to recognize that your relationship is taking a toll on your mental health, but it is important to pay attention to how you feel and the changes that have taken place in your behavior. Try to set aside time for yourself and reflect on the relationship. Consider what changes you’ve noticed in yourself and in your partner. It might be helpful to talk to a friend or family member about your concerns.

If you do recognize that your relationship is having a negative impact on your mental health, know that it is okay to take action. You deserve to be in a healthy and supportive relationship, and it is possible to make changes. Reach out to a therapist or counselor if you need additional support as you navigate this difficult situation.

10) You’re considering breaking up

If you’re at the point of considering breaking up, it’s a clear sign that your relationship is unhealthy. When a relationship is healthy and balanced, you don’t feel like breaking up is the only option. If you find yourself spending a lot of time thinking about breaking up, it’s important to recognize that this is a sign that something is wrong.

It can be difficult to break away from an unhealthy relationship because it can be hard to break away from the familiar. However, when it comes to your health and well-being, it’s important to prioritize yourself. If you’ve reached the point of wanting to end things with your partner, it’s important to talk to someone who can provide support and guidance. It may also be helpful to seek professional help if needed.

Breaking away from an unhealthy relationship can be scary, but it can also be incredibly freeing and liberating. Taking the time to reflect on why you’re considering breaking up and seeking out additional support can help you make an informed decision about what’s best for you.

Here are some phrases and techniques to watch out for:

“You’re just overly sensitive about everything.”

Gaslighters will often try and convince someone they’ve hurt that they’re just being too sensitive. They are trying to shift the blame to you and make you believe you’re at fault because of your feelings. But there’s nothing wrong with being sensitive.

“You have to stop overthinking everything, babe!”

When someone tells you how they feel or that they’ve been hurt and you respond with this phrase, you’re likely gaslighting them. You can’t overanalyze how someone feels. If your partner or friend talks to you about their feelings or how you’ve hurt them, it should be acknowledged. When someone says you’re overanalyzing, it’s just an excuse to avoid being accountable for their actions.

“How can you say you love me when you always want me to change?”

Gaslighters often try to put the focus on their own needs, making you believe that if you really love them, you should be able to overlook anything to make them happy. They want you to feel bad for having expectations for them in your relationship.

“I didn’t say that. You’re putting words in my mouth.”

Gaslighters will often deny saying the things they said or that you heard them say. Unless you have them on record, in a text, or an audio recording, they’ll deny saying the things they said.

“You made me do that — I didn’t have any other choice.”

Cheaters often say this, but it can apply to a variety of situations. They might say, “I wouldn’t have stayed so late at the bar if you weren’t nagging at me to come home.”

“Can’t you just love me the way I am?”

This is a way of making you feel guilty and doubt the validity of your own feelings. He want you to wonder if you’re asking to much. He wants to make you think your have unreal expectations.

“You’ll never find anyone else that will love you the way I do.”

This is a manipulative way of keeping you under their control. A gaslighter will remind you about how many failed relationships you’ve had and make you think that they didn’t work out because of you.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who is trying to control you by gaslighting you, it’s important that you recognize their behavior and take steps to protect yourself. Seek help and advice from family, friends, and professionals if you need it.

I know how hard this is because my past husband had anxiety. Not occasional bouts of anxiety but extreme, daily, panic attacks that came out of no where and for no reason. Leaving the house was a struggle most days. His brain was constantly filled with worry and an overwhelming feeling of dread.

Yes, there were days when it wasn’t as bad, but most days, that anxiety was always there. Over time, I learned that I could support him in different ways.

It’s important to become educated on anxiety, so you can give your partner the support they need. Here are some tips on how to help a partner with anxiety:

#1 Learn as much as you can

The more you know about anxiety, the better equipped you will be to provide support. Read up on the latest research, talk to experts, and talk to your partner about their condition. Remember that everyone experiences anxiety differently, though. That means that as much as learning is important, it won’t always related to what your partner is experiencing.

#2 Communicate

Your partner’s experience with anxiety is unique, so it’s important to communicate with them about what works, and what doesn’t. Ask them if your help is making them feel better, or worse. Sometimes they might not even know what works or what doesn’t until they try something. Give them time to figure out how they feel. Then talk to them about it.

#3 Don’t put pressure on them

Your partner’s anxiety isn’t something they can just “get over”. Try not to put pressure on them to get better, and remember that it’s a process. It may take a long time to find the right tools for them. Also, they can’t “get better” just because you’re trying to be supportive. They have to do this their own way.

#4 Offer practical help

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to offer practical help. Offer to help with tasks they may be having trouble with, like grocery shopping or taking care of errands. These things might seem little to you, but for someone with anxiety, they can be very big.

#5 Practice self-care

It’s important to remember to practice self-care. Supporting a partner with anxiety can be emotionally draining, so make sure you’re taking time for yourself. As much as they need you, they need you to take care of yourself. Otherwise, you can’t be much help to them.

Anxiety is a serious condition, but with the right support, your partner can lead a happy, healthy life.

Isn’t there more of a purpose to online dating than to just find someone to go out with? Most of us have criteria. We don’t just want anyone – we want that special someone (or someones) that make us feel happy and fulfilled.

That means we need to approach online dating with purpose. In order to have purpose, we need to know what we are looking for.

Physical Characteristics

People usually define what they are looking for when they go on a dating site by physical characteristics. That’s a good starting point.

Are you looking for someone older or younger than yourself? Do you have a fondness for athletic people? Will you date a smoker?

These things are important but they are often characteristics that you can be flexible on. It is possible to find what you’re looking for in someone that doesn’t fit your “type.”

Dig Deeper

Go beyond the physical. Think about what you’re actually looking for. If you’re only looking for a casual relationship, say so. There’s nothing worse that finding someone interesting when you are looking for a relationship and then it turns out that they have no interest in taking it past the casual stage.

Some things you might want to ask yourself:

• What kind of relationship am I looking for?
• Will I date someone that is unemployed?
• What kind of activities would I like to share with them?
• What kind of dates do I like to go on?
• Will I date someone who lives with other people (roommates, family, etc.)
• Will I date someone who has kids?
• Do I want to be in a relationship that leads to having children?
• Do I need someone that communicates often?
• Am I willing to consider a long-distance relationship?
• And if yes, am I willing to consider moving in the future?

Knowing these kinds of things helps you to define and communicate your purpose. Sure, you might not get as many responses if you have your needs and wants on your profile, but you’ll be more likely to meet people that are comfortable with what you are looking for.

If you know your purpose and state it, you’ll be more likely to find someone with the same purpose as you.